What's it all about?

Fast approaching 30 I've fallen in to teaching, a career though championed by many amongst my friends and family, I've tried desperately to avoid. Worse still I appear to have missed the heyday when students were keen and wages were plenty. Having left city-life behind to support my partner through a prolonged recovery from cancer, it's clear I've become isolated, not only from my old life, but from the future I hoped it would lead to...

There must be more to life than this..?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A change is gonna come.

So today is the final day of my Xmas holidays (BooOOooo) which means tomorrow I'll be back at work (Uber BooOOooOoo). I've been thinking a great deal over the New Year weekend (In between my binge drinking sessions) about the direction I want this blog to take and what I hope to get out of it.

I suppose I'm looking for some affirmation (The kind that alcohol can't bring) that if I haven't yet achieved anything, I'm at least on track to (And not simply disappearing in to a blackhole). To me personally, hitting thirty signifies leaving your youth behind (I know that might sound silly to some). For the first time in my entire life I find myself in a job that I genuinely have no interest to advance in (Or most days get out of bed for). I've left the city which I love to return to my home town which I've never liked (It smells funny) and I find myself surrounded by people whose only aspirations in life are materialistic.

I'm not saying that I don't like nice things, who doesn't? But for me it's the not most important thing in my life. I don't work all month to get paid so that I can buy a new bathroom, or book an expensive holiday, I want so much more from life. I remeber when I was very young and listening to various adults around me moan about the jobs they were stuck in and hated, and I remember thinking that I would never allow myself to become trapped in a job that I didn't enjoy. Maybe more than anything I'm disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen.

Up until the past few years I've indulged myself in a somewhat hedonistic, unstructured lifestyle (Just because it feels good, you know..?) and I've tried to avoid conformity as much as possible. Now I feel like a square peg that life is trying to force through a round hole, I don't fit and it's painful!

BUT, I've come to realise that my work is only one aspect of my life and recently I've allowed it to affect all the other aspects, some of which in truth are rather wonderful, my partner for instance. It's time for me to remind myself of this more often and not only that, but it's time for me to take some action!

By the end of this year I'm determined that I will have some of my work officially published, even if it's just a poem or two and have found a literary agent for my first novel. I'm going to try and do the best I can when I'm at work (honest Guv'nor), but I'm not going to let it hang over my mind 24/7 (It's difficult to when you're trying to fit in 12 hours of sleep a day), after all it's just a job!

Undoubtedly I'll have ups and downs, I'm only human, but I'm going to try and stay more positive and instead of merely moaning, I'm going to atempt to find solutions to things that may annoy me. At the very least I'll be an active moaner and not a passive one!

So as I said, each week I'll be posting my top three 'Non-Moans' but along side that I'll be posting possible solutions and asking you to do the same. I may find I need a little help sometimes, so please don't be afraid to throw some advice my way.


Post a Comment